Republican National Cofefe

The chairman du jour (CDJ) of the Republican National Party, who responded anonymously to my questions, shared the following.

First, the 2020 Republican National Convention will exclude the media. CDJ disclosed that this is the result of the media being on double-secret-probation since midway through Richard Nixon’s first term as president.

Second, attendance will be by invitation only. So far, the invitees who will attend include Mitch McConnell (a tentative acceptance), Lindsey “Cracker” Graham, and Ohio Representative Jim Jordan. Jordan reacted explosively with ten minutes of pejoratives and curses when he received his invitation. When he finally stopped to take a breath, one of his staff member explained, “Jim, you wanted to be invited.”

“I did?” responded Jordan. “I’m still not going to wear a suit coat or button my shirt collar.”

Donald trump has his front line physicians lined up to attend, bringing various demons and aliens to explain the benefits of tossing back a shot glass of hydroxychloroquine followed by a Clorox chaser.

As the convention moved from North Carolina, to Florida, (and briefly to Mar a Leggo), highly placed sources compared the convention to a floating crap game or a 1920’s speakeasy. “If you ain’t already endorsed the trumpster, ya ain’t gonna find it.”

Over the last 2 1/2 millennia, I haven’t enjoyed politics this much since Caligula became emperor.

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