Presidential Hi-Jinx

In 1960, after John F. Kennedy won the presidential election, his opponent said, “Well, you don’t have Dick Nixon to kick around any more!” Today, we’re running out of time with another GOP candidate, and I thought it was only appropriate to explore a few last minute ideas.

I think it would be unwise to test donald trump’s belief that if he shot someone in public in New York, there would be no repercussions. However, we can philosophize about his desire to walk up to a woman and grab her by the genitals. What really would happen?

Would the Secret Service agents stand there, watching, and tell him, “Please, sir, don’t mind me. Go right ahead.”

What if the female was someone on the same political level? Perhaps someone like Dr. Angela Merkel, Germany’s Chancellor? That would be interesting to say the least. I suspect her security detail would step in and lay hands on trump in order to remove him from the area.

And what would trump’s Secret Service agents do in response. I suspect that the lead agent would smile at his German counterpart and say, “Please, sir, don’t mind me. Go right ahead.”

Russia Who?

Trump's Press Conference With Putin Will Go Down in ...
“I love you, man! “

At the end of his monumental (read “disastrous”) presidency, trump once again deflects criticism of Russia.

When first elected and it was obvious that there had been foreign influence, with all signs pointing to Russia, trump said, “Maybe it was China. Who knows?”

After that, he kowtowed to Putin (and every other despotic dictator) at every opportunity.

There has been a massive cyberattack against the American government and American industry that has been ongoing for months. Once again, the intelligence experts suspect Russia. Once again, trump disagrees and blames China.

I don’t know about you, but it would scare the hell out of me to have an ex-ruler with access to any and all of the nation’s secrets–including weapons, who also had multi-million dollar loans coming due, a cash flow problem, and no ethics.

“Vlad, here’s the deal. You finance a trump tower in Moscow, slip me a little gift under the table and I’ll tell you all about [fill in the TOP SECRET subject here].” Of course, that’s assuming that the stable genius hasn’t already spilled the beans so that Putin would say nice things about him.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

I’m not worried–I died millenia ago. On the other hand, you should worry.

Identity Crisis

If I, Diogenese, the founder of the philosophical discipline of Cynicism become befuddled, that means that the situation I see is really and truly fucked up. Sorry about that, but no matter how crazy living people can be, no one before has ever tried to out-crazy me.

All I can do is try to find some humor in it…. /..-/–/—/.-.

Great Leaders in History: Napoleon Bonaparte - YouTube

A man with serious delusions was under treatment in a psychiatric hospital. The new psychiatric resident sat down with him in his semi-private room and tried to engage him in a conversation.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Johnson and I’ll be helping to care for you. And what is your name?” The patient sat up in bed, tucked his right hand into his shirt and announced with an impressive French accent.

“I, sir, am Napoleon Bonaparte, the greatest general in the history of the world!” The resident maintained his cool and replied.

“General, or should I say, Emperor Bonaparte, it is truly a pleasure to meet you. The entire world knows of your skills and your deeds. I would shake your hand, but I don’t know if that would be appropriate.”

“It would,” the patient replied, extending his hand, “given that you have been ushered into my private chambers. France’s values of liberté, égalité, fraternité are well known.”

“Yes, sir, they are,” the resident replied, “and wonderful values they are that have defined France so well.” The patient smiled and nodded his assent.

“With my apologies, sir, I must ask you an unusual question. Who told you that you were Napoleon Bonaparte?”

“God did!” the patient replied forcefully.

Donald Trump, the patient in the other bed sat bolt upright, crossed his arms across his chest and replied loudly, “I MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!”

Souls for Sale

Throughout my time, both when I was alive on earth and ever since, I have seen a brisk business in the buying and selling of souls. Back in the day, people wouldn’t sell their soul unless a kingdom or an empire was on the table. Given that there are no refunds or exchanges–not even store credit–that made sense.

In the last four years, though, it’s been a buyers’ market. I have never seen so many souls sold so cheaply in such a short period of time. People don’t even negotiate price! I know that haggling is not an American thing, but this is your soul we’re talking about. You get one and only one soul, so you’d think people would at least check Ebay and Craig’sList for the going rate.

Lucifer’s name means “Light Bearer,” and it was chosen to describe him. He’s extremely attractive and I don’t mean attractive for a demon. In fact, he’s a looker compared to any and all creatures. Imagine the best salesman in the world–bingo. When he says, “Trust me,” too many people do.

Some people are vulnerable because they don’t believe Lucifer exists. Trust me, he does.