Teddie (Cruz) and Me

Ted Cruz and I share many traits.

I was known for such crude behavior as urinating on the feet of those who disagreed with me (and much, much worse). I lived in a sewer (some claim it was a large piece of pottery–bull! One sniff would have set them straight). The least obnoxious of my habits was walking around in the daylight with a lighted lamp, “Looking for an honest man.” I never did find one, so I gave up.

Neither Ted nor I served in the military. I didn’t serve because: a) I was dead, and b) they would have had no interest in a flaming asshole such as me. Ted didn’t serve because he was another pampered, entitled rich kid who was working on becoming another old, white, rich male. He didn’t even have to play the flaming asshole card.

I have to admire Ted’s chutzpah. His father was an immigrant yet he hates immigrants. To further sweeten the picture, Ted was born in Canada. If his father had emigrated from any other country but Cuba, the paperwork wouldn’t have gone through, Dad wouldn’t yet be a citizen, and therefore, neither was Ted. Ah, the Fates.

Now, after avoiding military service, Ted has no respect for the US military. He thinks that the Russian military is better because their recruiting ads feature strong, virile, males (“Hello, Sailor!” Hey, Ted, maybe the donald can get uncle Vladimir fix you up on a date.)

But I still admire Ted. He embodies the key virtue of “When the going gets tough, the old, rich white guys go on vacation.”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.