TREASON!

When you think of treason, the first person that may come to mind is Benedict Arnold.

In addition, if you think for a while, you may accept the fact that those who fought for the confederacy were, in fact, traitors. This was especially true for those who had sworn an oath to protect and defend the United States Constitution from all enemies, foreign and domestic–Robert E. Lee, Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson, James Longstreet, George Pickett, etc.

But let’s not get carried away.

Earlier this week, retired Lieutenant General Michael Flynn was asked by a member of the audience if the United States might face a situation such as the one faced in Minimar. Flynn said that there was no reason that a similar situation could not happen here.

Okay. Everybody. Settle. Down.

People misquoted the question. LTG Flynn was speaking about MINIMAR, a convenience store located in Maricopa County Arizona, not Myanmar, the country undergoing a military coup. MINIMAR had a two-for-one sale on crushed ice drinks. Their price for self-service gasoline might be high, and they may be a bit stingy on the syrup for the crushed ice, but there’s no military coup at MINIMAR.

On the other hand, if he were supporting insurrection,, Flynn would qualify as a traitor. He hopes it will not affect his $100,000+ pension paid by US taxpayers or his ability to collect $50,000+ for each speaking engagement.

Constitution, Schonsitution. Who cares.

Republicans

I grow weary of your politics. I’ve seen the Caesars, the Medicis, the popes and anti-popes, the Tzars, and the Kaisers. Each was obnoxious in their own way, but they can’t hold a candle to your Republican Party.

I won’t touch on January 6 or the “Big Steal” or the perpetual recounts of the 2020 ballots. All you need to prove GOP incompetence is Marjorie Taylor Greene.

Five days ago she compared people wearing masks to prevent the spread of COVID to the Jews being forced to wear a yellow star in Nazi Germany. A yellow star is what the Jews got before kristallnacht when the Nazis destroyed their synagogues and homes. A yellow star was a one-way ticket to a death camp.

Ms Greene even got that wrong, calling it a gold star. A gold star is what a kindergartner gets for encouragement. A yellow star is a death warrant to wear in public.

Needless to say, people were outraged at her comparison, and rightfully so. Well, most people. The leaders of the Republican party needed five days to decide if it was a bad thing. Are they that dense or did someone have to check with trump before they knew how they should react?

Pathetic.

Fortunately, the problem is going away. If your constituents are mainly old white guys and rural white guys without a college education, your base is is not growing. It is shrinking even as I write this.

Teddie (Cruz) and Me

Ted Cruz and I share many traits.

I was known for such crude behavior as urinating on the feet of those who disagreed with me (and much, much worse). I lived in a sewer (some claim it was a large piece of pottery–bull! One sniff would have set them straight). The least obnoxious of my habits was walking around in the daylight with a lighted lamp, “Looking for an honest man.” I never did find one, so I gave up.

Neither Ted nor I served in the military. I didn’t serve because: a) I was dead, and b) they would have had no interest in a flaming asshole such as me. Ted didn’t serve because he was another pampered, entitled rich kid who was working on becoming another old, white, rich male. He didn’t even have to play the flaming asshole card.

I have to admire Ted’s chutzpah. His father was an immigrant yet he hates immigrants. To further sweeten the picture, Ted was born in Canada. If his father had emigrated from any other country but Cuba, the paperwork wouldn’t have gone through, Dad wouldn’t yet be a citizen, and therefore, neither was Ted. Ah, the Fates.

Now, after avoiding military service, Ted has no respect for the US military. He thinks that the Russian military is better because their recruiting ads feature strong, virile, males (“Hello, Sailor!” Hey, Ted, maybe the donald can get uncle Vladimir fix you up on a date.)

But I still admire Ted. He embodies the key virtue of “When the going gets tough, the old, rich white guys go on vacation.”

The Only Way to Win Is Cheat*

Don't vote (@0DoNotVote0) | Twitter

I was going to say, “For the benefit of my Republican friends,” but then I realized that I have had fewer and fewer Republican friends over the past four years. I’m not sure I have any right now.

Most political parties and candidates base their campaigns on some variant of “Vote for ME! Have your friends vote for me! Everybody should vote for me!” It’s a reasonable approach and often sometimes successful. However, based on recent legislation in several states, it is not effective for Republicans.

The Republicans are taking more measures to make voting difficult. They are restricting mail-in-ballots (which have demonstrated very little voter fraud), early voting (which have demonstrated very little voter fraud), limiting voting locations and shortening hours for voting. Why? Because if an informed populace votes, the Republicans fear that they will lose.

They’re probably right.

*Painless’ Suicide, the theme song for M*A*S*H.

The Devil You Know

One of the curious sayings that you have is “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.” As I recall, in your culture, the devil is the personification of evil, so why would you choose ANY devil?

Over the millennia, I’ve seen the devil at work. He looks nothing like your artistic representations since he’s actually quite attractive–his name Lucifer means “light bearer,” you know. He’s also intelligent, charming, and very, very sly. That’s how he manages to suck so many people into doing his bidding without even realizing they are. Don’t believe me? Look at the Germans during World War II that turned a blind eye toward the Holocaust. Look at the people today who deny that the Holocaust ever existed.

The devil has many tools–money, flattery, and empathy. The last is particularly effective–“You’re a good person. This thing you want to do isn’t really bad because you’re doing it for a good reason. Go ahead.” You probably saw how effective these were in convincing thousands to attack the US Capitol on January 6th.

If you want to see more of the devil in action, just check out the Conservative Political Action Conference this weekend. He’s in fine form.

RIP GOP

This past weekend, the Republican Party slipped the surly bonds of Earth. The passing went unnoticed by many Americans, since the party has made little to no significant difference to anyone for at least the last decade.

For much of the twentieth century, the Republicans suffered from scandals and missteps, starting with the Teapot Dome Scandal during the Warren G. Harding Administration, followed by the collapse of the U.S. Economy under Herbert Hoover. Perhaps the most difficult period was 1969-1974, when Richard Nixon was elected and re-elected, before resigning to avoid impeachment.

The Republican Party has suffered from several ailments in recent years. Although not diagnosed as dementia or Alzheimer’s, it has had a difficult time separating truth from fiction. This has resulted in violent reactions to normal activities, such as elections. It was confirmed on Saturday that a major contributing factor to the demise was due to lack of a spine.

There will be no memorial or graveside service since most members are in deep denial and those not affiliated are glad to see the party go. The estate is expected to be left to Donald Trump and family.

The Boss Visits

The mob boss walked in, surrounded by his goons. His overcoat was around his shoulders without his arms being in the sleeves. He shrugged, and one of the goons removed the overcoat, draped it over his arm, and stepped back from the boss.

He was clearly not the stereotypical Sicilian. His perfectly coiffed hair was fading from blonde to grey, even though in his younger days, his hair had been brown. His white shirt was accented by a bright red tie, which extended several inches below his belt buckle. He leaned slightly forward as if in anticipation, although rumor had it that it was due to lifts in his shoes.

He looked around, and spoke about how proud they should be that he was making a visit. As he spoke, his tiny hands moved closer and farther apart, as though he were playing an invisible accordion. When he was finished speaking, several people came up to kiss his high-school ring.

Mitch “No-Chin” had once been extremely powerful, and might be again; in either case, he was prone to kissing whichever part of the Boss he believed would help him hang onto power. Another, a female who was new to the syndicate, knelt before him, losing her aluminum foil hat in the process.

“Are you Q?” she asked. The boss looked down his nose and snorted.

Others followed, all paying homage and pledging their loyalty to the boss.

After a bit, the boss shrugged, a signal for his underling, who spread the boss’s overcoat over his shoulders,leaving a number of others waiting in line. The boss started to turn, stopped, and turned back.

“Ya got a real nice Senate here. It would be a shame if something were to happen to it.”

He walked out the door.

Book Review: Thumbs Down

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By virtue of being dead, yet sentient, for over 2,000 years, I have plenty of time to read. At first, I read every factual tome I could find. Of course, as time went on, many of those facts proved to be less than accurate.

You know how it is–it was believed that the Earth is the center of the universe. No, wait, the Sun is the center of the universe. Actually, neither is the center of the universe.

I would like to say it was time wasted, but in my case, that would not be true. There was no other activity vying for my time.

Later, I focused on literature. As the founder of cynicism, I couldn’t be caught dead (literally) reading poetry. In any case, I read Shakespeare. I read Tolstoy and Tolkien. I even read Dashiell Hammitt and Robert A. Heinlein. I enjoyed some more than others, of course, but it gave me a good foundation.

I recently tried to read the defense legal team’s response to the impeachment charges, “Trial Memorandum of Donald J. Trump, 45th President of the United States of America.” The title is B-O-R-I-N-G, which is a warning that the rest of the document is a real snoozer. I mean, it is a more effective sleep-aid than 2 Ambien chased by 3 fingers of scotch.

It’s only available in paperback and shoddily bound at that. The plot is implausible. The characters are not only unbelievable but also unlikable. And the writing? Truman Capote would say, “That’s not writing, it’s only typing.”

My recommendation–don’t buy it! As a matter of fact, if somebody tries to give you a copy, give it back.

You’ll do better to check online for e-books available from your local public library.

Entertain Me!

When you’ve lived as long as I have . . . .

Okay, I’m not really living. I actually died over 2,000 years ago, nevertheless, I remain sentient.

If you’ve watched the world as long as I have, you see all kinds of things: The good; The bad; and the “You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kidding me!?!”

'Trumponomics' Tries To Praise Trump, Instead Exposes Him

By this point I’m jaded, but your immediate past president was a hoot to watch. On rare occasions, he slipped up and told the truth (How embarrassing). He proudly and publicly issued pardons or commutations for many of his cronies. He encouraged an attack on his own Capitol. When he left office, he still had the ability to piss people off by moving into Mar a Lago when he promised he wouldn’t.

There goes the neighborhood!

However, my all time favorite was his choice of advisors. I’m not talking about his daughter and son-in-law, the Botox kids. I’m not talking about Rudy (“I’m not senile–what was I saying?”) Giuliani. I’m talking about the pillow guy. He listens to a pillow salesman. In the annals of national leaders, that’s one-of-a-kind, especially since he claims he doesn’t really sleep at night. Classic!

On the other hand, your new president–B-O-R-I-N-G!!!

Goes to church. Tries to stick to the facts. Loves his wife. Would rather grab a rosary than some random female’s genitals. Reads his daily briefing. B-O-R-I-N-G!!!

Give me a break! I’m not asking for the world, just a little understanding. When you have no body, you can’t scratch or let out a decent belch. I haven’t had a drink in over two millennia. The only thing I’ve got to pass the time is watching you people. Please, Make America Crazy Again!