Trump’s Priorities

Your president is not one to be distracted.

You are experiencing a pandemic with over 170,000 dead and projections of 200,000 total deaths by early September.

The pandemic has resulted in 16.3 million people out of work. Many are at risk of losing their homes.

Your national economy is in the–well–the equivalent of my sewer.

Your country has gone from the being most powerful nation on the earth to an international joke.

Appearances (at least) are that your president is a lackey of Russian President (for life?) Vladimir Putin.

Other US presidents would focus on correcting these things, but not your president.

Instead, he has kept himself focused. He will not be distracted. He is on a mission. Hence, his efforts are intent on changing the flow rate for shower heads to make sure that his hair is perfect.

Aren’t you proud?

Dog’s Life

Your president claims that a dog was sent a mail-in ballot. I’d like to know how he did that.

I’ve been trying to get my dog recognized as a citizen for 2400 years. Over that time we (and I say “We” because after being dead together for that long, we share a special bond) we have tried to get him status as a citizen, a noble, a member of the gentry, or even a serf. No luck.

In the 20th century, I tried to get him a drivers license, but to no avail.

I guess dogs need to have a presidential sponsor to be recognized, much less get a ballot.

Dead? Naah!

Those 165,947 Americans who died from COVID-19? Don’t worry about it. It’s all a Democratic hoax and fake news. If someone near and dear to you claims to be among those dead people, tell them to cut it out. It’s all fake.

Who are you going to believe–a doctor at the hospital or a president on the golf course?

Lie Detector

If you want to determine whether a particular statement is true or false, here are some helpful litmus tests.

If your Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says it’s true, be careful.

If your president, donald trump says it’s true, be very, very, very careful .

As your president advised, “It is what it is.”

So is it what it is, or is it what it isn’t?

You decide.

And while we’re at it. Does it concern you that, according to numerous polls, educated people tend not to support trump, while uneducated people do? I have to ask, do these trump supporters prefer to be treated by uneducated doctors and taught by uneducated teachers?

Death – No Big Deal

Donald Trump wearing a suit and tie: Donald Trump: ‘I did more for the black community than anybody with a possible exception of Abraham Lincoln.’

Death is a fascinating subject, especially to someone who died over 2400 years ago. Been there, done that, still hang around my sewer.

Your COVID-19 Pandemic doesn’t compare to the Black Plague. During the historic plagues, it was advisable to avoid doctors, who were actually barbers. The best they had to offer was to cut open the veins of people who were already sick or injured to “let out the bad humours.”

Medical resources in your time are actually helpful, which makes every unnecessary death all the more egregious.

When I see so many unnecessary deaths; when I see unused resources; and when I see your president shrug it off as “They are dying. That’s true. And you — it is what it is.”

I truly don’t know what to say–and I’m rarely at a loss for words.

Those who were subjected to the Black Death had no options.

You have science and technology. You actually know what to do.

What the hell is going on with you, with your knowledge, and your resources?

You’re willing to settle for “They are dying. That’s true. And you — it is what it is,”

Maybe you deserve what’s happening.

Republican National Cofefe

The chairman du jour (CDJ) of the Republican National Party, who responded anonymously to my questions, shared the following.

First, the 2020 Republican National Convention will exclude the media. CDJ disclosed that this is the result of the media being on double-secret-probation since midway through Richard Nixon’s first term as president.

Second, attendance will be by invitation only. So far, the invitees who will attend include Mitch McConnell (a tentative acceptance), Lindsey “Cracker” Graham, and Ohio Representative Jim Jordan. Jordan reacted explosively with ten minutes of pejoratives and curses when he received his invitation. When he finally stopped to take a breath, one of his staff member explained, “Jim, you wanted to be invited.”

“I did?” responded Jordan. “I’m still not going to wear a suit coat or button my shirt collar.”

Donald trump has his front line physicians lined up to attend, bringing various demons and aliens to explain the benefits of tossing back a shot glass of hydroxychloroquine followed by a Clorox chaser.

As the convention moved from North Carolina, to Florida, (and briefly to Mar a Leggo), highly placed sources compared the convention to a floating crap game or a 1920’s speakeasy. “If you ain’t already endorsed the trumpster, ya ain’t gonna find it.”

Over the last 2 1/2 millennia, I haven’t enjoyed politics this much since Caligula became emperor.

John Adams’ Advice

In the musical 1776, one of the first offerings is John Adams bemoaning the lack of progress toward independency:

I do believe you’ve laid a curse on North America
A curse that we now here rehearse in Philadelphia
A second flood, a simple famine
Plagues of locusts everywhere
Or a cataclysmic earthquake
I’d accept with some despair
But, no, you sent us Congress.
Good God, sir, was that fair?

Sometimes it’s hard to improve on the classics.

Political Realities

Donald trump continues to parrot falsehoods about mail-in voter fraud, even though he routinely votes by mail.

The real issue is that trump finds voting to be too complicated for him to understand. First, the Golden Oldie video of him attempting to vote resurfaced [LINK]. His resolution? He completed a provisional ballot, the second cousin, twice-removed, of a mailed ballot.

Next, trump tried to register to vote in Florida while claiming his legal residence was 1600 Pennsylvania NW, Washington, DC. Somebody needs to explain to him that one needs to live in whichever state where they’re going to vote. (Try drawing a picture with a Sharpie.)

During this same time-frame, trump declared that he lived in Manhattan.

The latest wrinkle is that Trump claims his legal residence is at Mar-a-Lago. However, in 1990, he converted Mar-a-Lago from a residence to a club. Among the rules is that no club member can live at Mar-a-Lago for more than 21 days per year, spread over three non-consecutive trips. Not exactly a typical legal residence.

No one can make this stuff up. [LINK]

While COVID-19 has killed 155,285 Americans and forced 17,750,000 out of jobs, the United States Senate, that bastion of buffoonery has adjourned.

WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE SENATE GOES HOME!

Trump and Putin

Donald trump has withdrawn the United States from the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty with Russia, the Open Skies Treaty with Russia, as well as many other treaties that included Russia as well as other nations. NATO is now much weaker, presenting . Our relations with traditional western European allies are in disarray.

It seems like trump an Putin speak regularly. However, trump said earlier this week that he has never discussed the bounty that Russia is paying the Taliban to kill Americans.

So tell me, EXACTLY WHAT THE HELL DO THOSE TWO TALK ABOUT?

Just Political Satire

Mr. and Mrs. REDACTED
REDACTED St.
REDACTED, REDACTED REDACTED-REDACTED

The President of the United States regrets to inform you that your daughter was killed in action yesterday in Afghanistan.

However, he is pleased to tell you that his very best friend, advisor, and confidant, Vladimer Putin has assured him that Russia did not pay a bounty for her death.

Yours etc., etc., etc.,