The Only Way to Win Is Cheat*

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I was going to say, “For the benefit of my Republican friends,” but then I realized that I have had fewer and fewer Republican friends over the past four years. I’m not sure I have any right now.

Most political parties and candidates base their campaigns on some variant of “Vote for ME! Have your friends vote for me! Everybody should vote for me!” It’s a reasonable approach and often sometimes successful. However, based on recent legislation in several states, it is not effective for Republicans.

The Republicans are taking more measures to make voting difficult. They are restricting mail-in-ballots (which have demonstrated very little voter fraud), early voting (which have demonstrated very little voter fraud), limiting voting locations and shortening hours for voting. Why? Because if an informed populace votes, the Republicans fear that they will lose.

They’re probably right.

*Painless’ Suicide, the theme song for M*A*S*H.

RIP GOP

This past weekend, the Republican Party slipped the surly bonds of Earth. The passing went unnoticed by many Americans, since the party has made little to no significant difference to anyone for at least the last decade.

For much of the twentieth century, the Republicans suffered from scandals and missteps, starting with the Teapot Dome Scandal during the Warren G. Harding Administration, followed by the collapse of the U.S. Economy under Herbert Hoover. Perhaps the most difficult period was 1969-1974, when Richard Nixon was elected and re-elected, before resigning to avoid impeachment.

The Republican Party has suffered from several ailments in recent years. Although not diagnosed as dementia or Alzheimer’s, it has had a difficult time separating truth from fiction. This has resulted in violent reactions to normal activities, such as elections. It was confirmed on Saturday that a major contributing factor to the demise was due to lack of a spine.

There will be no memorial or graveside service since most members are in deep denial and those not affiliated are glad to see the party go. The estate is expected to be left to Donald Trump and family.

Donny’s Farewell

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“Okay, everybody, listen up. We’ve got a lot to do and it all has to be done before noon on January 20th, so pay attention. First things first. Everybody needs to pick up a trump election recount pledge card and fill in the amount you will be donating. You can make the actual donation anytime before the 20th since it needs to be in cash, non-sequential bills, in a plain brown wrapper.”

“Excuse me,” one of the participants interjected, “All of the counts are done, certified, and accepted, so why a recount fund?”

“Mitch, you of all people should know that it was never going to be used for a recount. This is for future operations.”

“But what about the Republican Party?”

“Mitch, if you want to have a party, have at it. Just make sure that you donate until it hurts.

“Now, without further distractions, let’s continue. There will be four lines. The first, to my left and to your right is for pardons. Each requested pardon needs to be accompanied by a separate pledge card. Pardons can be extended for actual crimes in which a person has been adjudged guilty, for actions that may or may not be a crime, and for general “Get out of Jail Free” pardons.

“The next line is for commutations. If a criminal act is pardoned, you will no be longer protected by the Fifth Amendment against self incrimination and the individual is viewed as actually being a criminal–a pardoned criminal, but a criminal nevertheless. On the other hand, a commutation retains your fifth amendment rights, although you won’t be able to vote or own a firearm. Choose wisely.

“The third line is for last minute federal appointments. If you’re appointed an ambassador for 15 minutes, you’re still a bonafide ambassador. Want to be a lobbyist for the communications industry? Get appointed to the Federal Communications Commission for the remainder of the President’s term. Same goes for environmental protection, justice department, Food and Drug administration–you name it.

“The last line is for those of you seeking a Presidential Medal of Freedom. Yes, that’s right, you too can be honored by this prestigious medal and join such notable winners as Rush Limbaugh, Andy Griffith, Arnold Palmer, and, of course, Bill Cosby.

“There are Concierge desks set up in each of the corners of the hall. Ivanka is manning one, Jared Kirchner, another, as well as Don, Jr. and Eric. If you have a special request, please complete your pledge card first, then meet with one of the concierges. If you are seeking more than one consideration, merely have a separate pledge card for each request. According to the president’s accountants, all these contributions are tax deductible!

“You’ll never have an opportunity quite like this, so act now.”

Russia Who?

Trump's Press Conference With Putin Will Go Down in ...
“I love you, man! “

At the end of his monumental (read “disastrous”) presidency, trump once again deflects criticism of Russia.

When first elected and it was obvious that there had been foreign influence, with all signs pointing to Russia, trump said, “Maybe it was China. Who knows?”

After that, he kowtowed to Putin (and every other despotic dictator) at every opportunity.

There has been a massive cyberattack against the American government and American industry that has been ongoing for months. Once again, the intelligence experts suspect Russia. Once again, trump disagrees and blames China.

I don’t know about you, but it would scare the hell out of me to have an ex-ruler with access to any and all of the nation’s secrets–including weapons, who also had multi-million dollar loans coming due, a cash flow problem, and no ethics.

“Vlad, here’s the deal. You finance a trump tower in Moscow, slip me a little gift under the table and I’ll tell you all about [fill in the TOP SECRET subject here].” Of course, that’s assuming that the stable genius hasn’t already spilled the beans so that Putin would say nice things about him.

Be afraid. Be very, very afraid.

I’m not worried–I died millenia ago. On the other hand, you should worry.

Liar! Liar!

It’s bad enough that there are people who tell lies. Some tell outrageous lies. A few repeatedly tell lies that everyone knows are lies. Even fewer tell outrageous lies, people know that they’re lies, but agree with the lie as if it were true.

Godwin’s law (or Godwin’s rule of Hitler analogies) asserts that “as an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1.”

With apologies to Mike Godwin, we have reached that point. Adolph Hitler, in his book Mein Kampf posited that a big lie was best because people would assume that no one “could have the impudence to distort the truth so infamously.”

I could point out parallel after parallel between the two men, but you’ve probably figured that out already. All I can say is that if you see a lie, don’t believe it, don’t repeat it, and don’t make it acceptable.

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Scorched Earth

In 1939, during the Second World War, the German-Soviet Nonaggression Pact–also known as the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact–was signed. Stalin was wary. Hitler was lying. In 1941, Operation BARBAROSSA–the invasion of the Soviet Union by Germany began.

Hitler believed that Germany’s blitzkrieg tactic would make short work of the Soviets, and at first it looked like he was right,. However, the deeper the Germans moved into Soviet Territory, the slower the progress. Many people believe it was the Soviet winter that defeated the Germans as it had Napoleon’s Army. It worked against Germany, but there were other factors at play.

The Soviet’s needed time to build tanks and aircraft. If the German Army could be delayed, the Soviets could overwhelm them with numbers. To buy time, the Soviets destroyed their homes and fields as the German army approached. When the Germans advanced, they found that the food was gone, building materials were gone, anything useful was gone.

At Stalingrad, the Soviets employed all of their troops along with the equipment they had. As the Germans destroyed people and tanks, replacements quickly filled the void. The Germans were cut off. The Soviet tanks were inferior to Germany’s, but Soviet industry kept building them and the Soviet soldiers kept attacking. Eventually, the Germans ran out of ammunition, food, and fuel and this the winter made a huge difference. Many starved, others froze, and still the Soviets kept attacking.

What Germans survived surrendered at Stalingrad. Ninety-one thousand Germans were captured. Only 5,000 were returned. The scorched earth policy had bought the Soviet Union the time it needed to rearm and ultimately win.

I am watching your president. He is attempting to execute a scorched earth policy of his own. Unfortunately, there is no advantage to America or the American people. Instead, he is attempting to commit societal suicide–genocide on his own people.

I hope for your sake he fails at this as he has failed at so many other things.

Sharpiegate

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I love watching 21st Century humans–they’re hilarious. Your television comedies can’t compete with the real world antics of your most influential people. Lately, I’ve been grateful that I no longer have a physical body, because if I did, I would have certainly pulled some muscle or another because of laughing so hard.

Your (current) president loves sharpies. He signs his jaggedy signature with them as a way of saying, “Look at ME!” Apparently he believes that he can control the weather with a sharpie. So far he’s the only one who believes he’s been successful at it.

On the other hand, your (current) president hates sharpies. Apparently there are legal maneuvers underway to protest ballots that were completed with a sharpie. The claim is that the marks made with a sharpie bleed through the ballot. The counter argument is that ballots are constructed so that if any bleed through occurs, it will be on a part of the ballot that is not scanned.

In fact, the poll workers say that sharpies actually do a better job of marking ballots than pens or pencils.

After claiming victory, word is that your (current) president is planning to use his sharpie to write “270” next to his name.

Atlas Should Have Shrugged

Scott Atlas apologizes for interview with Kremlin-funded RT
Dr. Scott Atlas, Self=Proclaimed Genius Extraordinaire

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – White House coronavirus adviser Scott Atlas apologized on Sunday for giving an interview to Russia’s Kremlin-backed television station RT, saying he was unaware the outlet was a registered foreign agent in the United States.

Dr. Atlas, the neuroradiologist who knows virtually nothing about epidemiology is equally ignorant about Russian propaganda channels. He gave an interview to RT, which originally stood for “Russia Today,” a major outlet for Russia’s official position but claimed he didn’t know it was run by the Kremlin.

Any intelligent person would have someone vet the media source before agreeing to speak on the record to their reporters. Not so with Dr. Atlas.

However, I for one think that you need not worry. If Dr. Atlas dispensed the same erroneous claptrap to the Russians as he does to the American people, he just kneecapped Vladimir Putin’s efforts to get past the COVID-19 epidemic.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t teach. Those who haven’t a clue drone on endlessly to anyone who will listen And, yes, at least some become radiologists.

Lies, Damn Lies, and . . .

President Trump says he's leaving hospital - One News Page ...

After injecting and/or ingesting bleach and Lysol, after downing a metric ton of Hydroxychloroquine, and after holding events at which the virus ran rampant, your president ended up in the hospital.

How surprising.

Now he’s decided to leave the hospital and return to the White House, undoubtedly against medical advice. This after doctor shopping, replacing a Rear Admiral (O-8) with a commander (O-5) as his physician. It’s not just rank–an admiral has about 30 years of experience, while a commander only has about 15 years. While they both may have comparable medical skills, the commander has roughly half the experience in dealing with difficult patients

In any case, your president will soon be loosed on the American people. hyped on steroids and experiencing the unknown side effects from experimental drugs. He’ll be, well, Trump on steroids.

I believe it is time to update Samuel Clemens (aka Mark Twain) saying. It now should be:

There are lies, damned lies, and statements from the White House.

Who Follows Trump?

Trump Calls For First Presidential Debate To Be Moved Up ...
I’m not presidential and I can’t even act like one on TV!

I’m a cynic–after all, I’m considered to be the founder of Cynical Philosophy–so what would you expect. However, cynicism is still a philosophical discipline, and like all the others, and seeks wisdom and truth.

After your presidential debacle debate, yesterday, I began to ponder an important question. What kind of person would follow Trump? What kind of person accepts routine lying, vengeance, and intimidation, etc.?

Then, inspiration hit! Eureka!

Thomas F. Wilson portrayed Biff Tannen, the antagonist in all three Back to the Future movies. According to Bob Gale, the writer, Biff Tannen was based on Donald Trump. This is especially obvious in the second one–the one in the future–in which Biff was immensely wealthy, owned a casino (and the entire town), and had no scruples.

Biff always had three sycophants following him around. They didn’t have purpose or even thoughts of their own–they just followed Biff and did whatever he said. (Although in the final one, they did abandon Tannen when he would be going to jail.)

Biff Tannen answers your burning Back To The Future ...

Those three followers explain Trump’s base better than anything else I’ve seen. Score one for the philosophical advantages of cynicism!