Mueller Report

Being several thousand years old (I forget my exact birthday) I can sometimes have difficulty telling the difference between true reporting and satire. Therefore, without deciding which this is, I share it with you.

New Attorney General William Barr is at risk of losing three stars and being demoted to Attorney Brigadier General after a flurry of lawsuits have been filed in response to his handling of the Mueller Report. While there were protests over Barr’s four page synopsis to a document that is reported to contain over 400 pages, no one foresaw recent developments.

Readers’ Digest filed suit against Barr for copying, without permission, their popular Condensed Books style that was first published in the early 1950s. Many people used Readers’ Digest Condensed Books to experience popular literature without the need to spend inordinate amounts of time actually reading. No sooner had the Justice Department been served with a cease and desist order (and President Trump had tweeted, “Totally exonerated! No confefe! WHICH HAUNT!”) than the second of three shoes dropped.

Cliff’s Notes, a popular study guide, that has been published in the United States since the late 1950s argued that the truncation and radical editing performed by Barr was more like their system than Readers’ Digest’s. “Every student,” they protested at a frantically scheduled press conference, “knows that they can turn to Cliff’s Notes as a concise, terse, minimalist synopsis of traditionally assigned readings.” When asked if Donald Trump ever used their product, the press conference was abruptly halted.

An industry insider anonymously provided additional information . “With Readers’ Digest Condensed Books, it is still necessary for the customer to read dozens—if not hundreds–of actual printed pages. Cliff’s Notes, on the other hand presents lengthy classics in a format that can be read–cover to  during a single visit to the bathroom!”

In the meantime, the same industry source tells us that Classics Illustrated is in negotiations with the US Government Printing Office to reproduce the Barr version of the Mueller Report in four-color comic book format. Classics Illustrated hasn’t published in years, but is prepared to print this special edition because it appeals to those who prefer to never read real books.

Neither Cliff’s Notes nor Classics Illustrated would provide specifics as to the length of their proposed publications, except to say that they would be “more than four pages, but less than 400.”

Have something to say? Add a comment.

 

Corruption

Over the millennia, I’ve seen kingdoms and nations rise and fall. Some nations are created by Divine edict, by military conquest, by discovery, or even the will of the people. However, most tend to die by the same method.

They rot from within.

The wars you’ve seen recently–Afghanistan, Iraq, Vietnam–were all failed or failing states. They either were already corrupt, or ripe for corruption. That’s not only how nations fall, it’s why nations fall.

Through corrupt means, the elites enrich themselves at the expense of the general populace. As the gap widens between the haves and the have-nots, the people become divided. The division may be political, religious, or philosophical, but most often it’s economic. The wider the gap between the wealthy and the rest of the population, the more likely it will devolve into destruction.

Hitler came to power because the German people were economically desperate due to reparations from the First World War. Hitler was an outsider–a non-elite–who was viewed as a possible savior. Lenin was also an outsider viewed as the solution to Russia’s problems. The Nazis and the Communists each set conditions for a division within their country.

Who will be next? There are a number of likely candidates. What’s your guess?

 

How Dare He!

Andrew McCabe was once a member of the White House Theatrical Troupe–so called because at any given moment many top officials work in an “acting” capacity. McCabe was acting Director of the FBI (and, I might add, never nominated for an Oscar, an Emmy, or even a Tony).

Unfortunately, McCabe neglected to learn the rules. According to the rules, 96.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. In most cases they are unnecessary because “people tell me” or “I’ve heard” is sufficient to substantiate a statement.  The rules further state that facts are, fluid, dynamic and always changing. And most importantly, anything with which you disagree is “fake news.”

McCabe, instead, looked to, of all places, the United States Constitution for guidance. In this case, he questioned whether the 25th Amendment should be considered. Using the Constitution is really hitting below the belt. It’s a good thing he got fired before he could invoke any other sections or amendments to the Constitution.

Who does he think he is, anyway–James Madison?

 

Seen It All Before

In the last few millennia, I have to admit, I’ve seen a few things that weren’t funny, true, or worthwhile the first time around, but keep repeating:

– Emperors or other leaders making promises they will never keep.
– People being surprised by such broken promises.
– Sycophants who line up to serve the current emperor;
the same sycophants who served the previous emperor, who had a totally different
set of values;
and who will line up before the next emperor, regardless of his values.
– Emperors and their advisors who sit in their towers to determine what is best for
others, without ever consulting with them, and having never experienced their lifestyles or challenges.

It falls upon philosophers and teachers to attempt to warn of such issues; the issues that damage societies and eventually destroy them. Such was the fate of Greece, Rome, the monarchies of Europe, and the explorer nations.

Unfortunately, over the same millennia, none of the rich, the powerful, or the elite have paid the tiniest bit of attention to any of our warnings. I am not surprised, but my greatest desire is that some day I will be–at least once.

God

While I haven’t actually lived 2300 years, I’ve been sentient–in one form or another–throughout all that time. It has its advantages. For example, I believe I have a better understanding of God than those who’ve only been allotted a lifetime of three-score plus ten years. So here goes:

God – Don’t try to figure Him out–you can’t. Don’t try. Don’t interpret on his behalf. If He we human think we can speak for Him, it would make him crazy.

Scripture – Scripture, regardless of the flavor (Torah, Bible, Q’ran, Words of Bahá’u’lláh, whatever) is a book of lessons. It is not a historical record!

Why?

God is not affected by time. That’s why He, when asked His name, replied “I Am!” He probably created time for us pathetic humans (by His standards) to sort things out. To Him, however, the past, present future, and whatever, are all at his–so to say–fingertips.

God’s relationship to man – God has sent many prophets, one of which was a piece of himself, which we perceive as his Son, and who we Jesus. Now the bad news for many who claim to follow Jesus.

  1. Jesus was a Jew. You know, the Jew–who people love to hate and blame for everything. Hitler wasn’t the first, and won’t be the last (even though his bloodline may have had a bit of Jewish blood in it.
  2. Jesus was not blond-haired with blue eyes. He was a person of color. People in that part of the world are not, and at His time COULD NOT BE, BY VIRTUE OF HISTORY, white, Anglo-Saxon Protestants.
  3. Jesus’ earliest followers saw Christianity as the next step for the Jewish faith and the Jewish people. It wasn’t until God knocked Saul off his horse with a lightning bolt (or whatever–God can use whatever he chooses) that anybody realized that Jesus came for everybody.
  4. Jesus spoke Aramaic. He did not speak Old English as in the King James Version of the Bible.  
  5. Jesus did not instruct his followers to restrict the teachings of scripture to the elect clergy of the Catholic Church.

So where does that lead us?

  1. There is a God.
  2. He loves us.
  3. He has jumped through hoops to try to get our attention
  4. We keep modifying our image of Him to fit our personal biases and benefits.
  5. He forgives us.

All in all, that’s pretty awesome. Thank you, God,

Which Way Did They Go?

There was a time, or maybe I just imagined it, when the conservative party had clear goals and objectives:

  1. People should take personal responsibility for their actions.
  2. Try not to spend more than you earn, and to the degree possible, avoid going into debt.
  3. Values are important.

Where did the people who believe that go? They were either replaced by, or became the ones who now espouse different values today:

  1. “It’s not my fault! I can’t remember! My attorney did it!”
  2. “If there’s a huge debt, but I’m gone, it doesn’t matter.”
  3. Value = Personal Benefit

Well, it’s just as well, those pesky idealists are a nuisance. However, Reagan is probably spinning like a gyroscope in his grave.