Tactics, Techniques, and Procedures (TTPs)

My Dearest Vlad,

I’m so lucky to have you as an advisor–you are so much more smart than my generals or the so-called “intelligence” experts. I don’t need them because, after all, I’m a stable genius. Smart! Stable! Genius!

As you suggested, I got on live TV (You know I’m a reality TV star, don’t you? Big! Huge! Star!). I explained everything I could remember about the special operation that killed Bagdaddy. Dead! Coward! Covfefe!

Some of the generals here are trying to argue with me (ME!) but my staff stops them–most of my staff are temporary, or as I like to call them, “acting.” Kelly cabinet! We work!

The generals keep complaining that I disclosed TTPs. Isn’t that when people throw toilet paper over your house and trees? So what’s the big deal? It’s a mess, but I have employees to clean it up who are willing to work for next to nothing. I never check their paperwork. Lots of Spanish. Good business! Cost cutting! Smart!

In any case, Vlad, I appreciate all your support and advice.

I hate to ask this, but just in case things go badly, will you help me out? I’m sure you could provide me with a nice dacha in Crimea. If absolutely necessary I’d be willing to bunk with Ed Snowden for a couple of days until you can get everything finalized.

You don’t need to worry about my wife–she is from somewhere over there, so she’ll be fine.

Your apostle,

(Signature illegible)

 

Which Side Is He On?

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As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve become pretty jaded over the millennia. The last few years have managed, somehow, to shock me at times.

Such as now.

Normally in the United States, the president informs Congress, or at least key members of Congress (regardless of political party) before a significant military event occurs.

President Trump, however, initiated the special forces military operation that led to the death of ISIS Caliph Abu Bakr al Baghdadi without informing key congressional leaders. He did, however, inform Russian President Vladimir Putin in advance.

If I were a suspicious person . . . .

At least, for as much as Trump admires Putin, he has not taken to Putin’s affinity for taking off his shirt at every opportunity. We should all be thankful for that.

 

A Cease-Fire by Any Other Name

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Having been around for a few millennia means that I’ve seen just about everything–over, and over, and over. I keep hoping that humankind will learn from their past actions. Be honest, have you?

Not only no, but hell no. You never learn.

Today your Vice-President, Mike Pence negotiated a supposed 120 hour cease-fire between Turkey and the Kurds in Syria. Sounds good?

You never learn.

This is better referred to as “time for Turkey to resupply, rearm, reload, and relax. They’ll start to rape, pillage, and burn again, either in 121 hours, or as soon as all Turkey’s soldiers have a full load of ammo, a full belly, and a full night’s sleep.

I know this –not because I’m a genius (although I am)–but because it has always been this way and I see no evidence of change.