You, Me, and Them

Being that I live in a sewer and am known for my lack of hygiene, I don’t often get out to the movies and they won’t install cable for me. However, I have subscribed to Netflix, so I can see movies and television shows, although they’re what you used to call “reruns”.

As I watch the political goings on, I am struck by the mob mentality. Mob might be a bit strong, but I believe someone once called it group-think. The phenomenon is that members of a group tend to surrender their individuality in order to fit in. Instead of using critical thinking and logic, they go with the prevailing opinion of the group.

The reason I mentioned Netflix is because I can’t say it better than how it was explained in Men in Black:

J: People are smart.

K: A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.

God and Trump

MIAMI — In his first public appearance since the strike that killed Maj. Gen. Qassim Suleimani of Iran, President Trump rallied his evangelical Christian base of supporters on Friday, portraying himself as the restorer of faith in the public square and claiming that God is “on our side.” (MSN.com)

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I wonder:

  1. If God contacted Trump personally
  2. If Trump is dictating what he expects God to do
  3. If Trump made the announcement without God being consulted

Psychological Projection

Your president tweeted* about a young lady who has taken a stand in favor of protecting the environment.

Apparently, she has admitted to Aspbergers, a “disorder” that often afflicts brilliant scientists, engineers, and computer programmers and allows them to focus intently on their work. However, the ability to focus on one thing often makes social interaction challenging. (“Sorry about not engaging in small talk–I’m trying to understand a quantum mechanics algorithm.”)

The president’s tweet said, “Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend!”

She should take his advice to heart–after all, this advice comes from an individual who has significant experience with anger issues as well as extreme difficulty interacting socially.

I guess she did. Her reply? “A teenager working on her anger management problem. Currently chilling and watching a good old fashioned movie with a friend.”

Problem solved?

 

 

* Are those who use Twitter, Twits?

Trump’s Medical Exam

As near as I can tell from what has been made public, the the president’s “routine” medical exam was not only unscheduled, but was actually quite a surprise to the staff at Walter Reed Medical Center.

It’s possible that he might have met the catastrophic cap on his medical insurance and wanted to get his physical done without having to pay a copay or a deductible. Many people are frugal like that.

His physician wrote a memo explaining that the exam was not publicized because of “scheduling uncertainties.” In other words, they had to fit the President of the United States in to their schedule.

Right.

“I’m sorry, but we’ve got a sprained ankle from a soccer game and a bloody nose to deal with. Tell the President to take two acetaminophen and call us in the morning.”

Coincidentally, the doctor’s memo made no mention of heel spurs.

Leave It to Eddie

I admire how, over the millennia, life imitates art. Yes, I stated that correctly–even though there is truth in the inverse as well.

For example, there are literary antagonists, some of whom are quintessential bad boys. In a story, there may not be any link to a real person, but once on the stage or screen, there may be a real person involved. The stereotypical bad boy–as opposed to someone evil–was Eddie Haskell–as played by Ken Osmond–from Leave it to Beaver. Contrary to urban legend, Osmond did not become Alice Cooper or a porn star. Instead, as far as I can tell, after he became typecast and left acting, he married, raised a family, worked as a police officer, and retired.

The character he created lives on as, well, Eddie Haskell.

Ken_Osmond_1962

 

On the other hand, there are people who portray the character traits of Eddie in real life and I have to wonder why. Why do people seek to be obnoxious, irritating, or just plain mean?

jordan.jpg

Tactics, Techniques, and Procedures (TTPs)

My Dearest Vlad,

I’m so lucky to have you as an advisor–you are so much more smart than my generals or the so-called “intelligence” experts. I don’t need them because, after all, I’m a stable genius. Smart! Stable! Genius!

As you suggested, I got on live TV (You know I’m a reality TV star, don’t you? Big! Huge! Star!). I explained everything I could remember about the special operation that killed Bagdaddy. Dead! Coward! Covfefe!

Some of the generals here are trying to argue with me (ME!) but my staff stops them–most of my staff are temporary, or as I like to call them, “acting.” Kelly cabinet! We work!

The generals keep complaining that I disclosed TTPs. Isn’t that when people throw toilet paper over your house and trees? So what’s the big deal? It’s a mess, but I have employees to clean it up who are willing to work for next to nothing. I never check their paperwork. Lots of Spanish. Good business! Cost cutting! Smart!

In any case, Vlad, I appreciate all your support and advice.

I hate to ask this, but just in case things go badly, will you help me out? I’m sure you could provide me with a nice dacha in Crimea. If absolutely necessary I’d be willing to bunk with Ed Snowden for a couple of days until you can get everything finalized.

You don’t need to worry about my wife–she is from somewhere over there, so she’ll be fine.

Your apostle,

(Signature illegible)

 

Precedent

Based on President Trump’s demand that he does not need to answer any subpoenas until certain conditions–such as a vote of the entire House of Representatives–are met, may I present this scenario:

Judge: “Mr. Johnson, do you have an attorney?”

Johnson: (tweeting) I don’t need an attorney. I will represent myself.

Bailiff: confiscates cell phone.

Judge: “If we may continue, Mr. Johnson you are charged with . . . .”

Johnson: “This is a political fiasco and I won’t  provide any information until the entire police department votes unanimously to charge me!”

Judge: “Mr. Johnson, with all due respect to Fox News (if any is, in fact, due) the accused is not the one who gets to set terms. The rules are already in place and you are expected to comply with them.”

Johnson: “This is a witch hunt! TERRIBLE! I’m being harassed! It’s all based on fake news! SAD!”

Judge: “Bailiff, given that Mr. Johnson is not President of the United States, would you please take Mr. Johnson into custody until he either is represented by an attorney or is prepared to present an appropriate legal defense.”

Bailiff: Half guides and half carries Johnson out. Johnson is still screaming.

Johnson: “I demand my phone! It’s my constitutional right to tweet! This is a travesty! (sound of his voice fades out)

Judge: Puts head in hands, brushes her hair back, and takes a deep breath. “Bailiff, to save me from calling a recess, do you have any acetaminophen?”

Bailiff: “Yes, your honor. Every day, your honor.” Passes a bottle of generic acetaminophen to the judge, who shakes two into her hand and with her bottle of water, swallows them.

Judge: Handing the bottle back to the bailiff, “Thank you. Please remind me to buy a large economy size bottle to keep here on my bench.”

Bailiff: nods

Judge: Sighs. “Okay, let’s move on to the next case.”

Bailiff: “Your honor, the next defendant is represented by Rudy Giuliani.”

Judge: Groans