I love watching 21st Century humans–they’re hilarious. Your television comedies can’t compete with the real world antics of your most influential people. Lately, I’ve been grateful that I no longer have a physical body, because if I did, I would have certainly pulled some muscle or another because of laughing so hard.
Your (current) president loves sharpies. He signs his jaggedy signature with them as a way of saying, “Look at ME!” Apparently he believes that he can control the weather with a sharpie. So far he’s the only one who believes he’s been successful at it.
On the other hand, your (current) president hates sharpies. Apparently there are legal maneuvers underway to protest ballots that were completed with a sharpie. The claim is that the marks made with a sharpie bleed through the ballot. The counter argument is that ballots are constructed so that if any bleed through occurs, it will be on a part of the ballot that is not scanned.
In fact, the poll workers say that sharpies actually do a better job of marking ballots than pens or pencils.
After claiming victory, word is that your (current) president is planning to use his sharpie to write “270” next to his name.