How Much?

In the Blues Brothers, once they’re both out of jail, they attempt to Get The Band Back Together and they find one of their musicians who is a maître de at a restaurant. They set out to embarrass him until he rejoins the band.

At one point, John Belushi looks at the people at a nearby table and in a foreign accent says, “How much for the women? The girl? How much for the girl?”

The maître  de knows he’s trapped and agrees to rejoin the band; the Blues Brothers then leave the restaurant.

I have to admit that this scene flashed through my mind, recently, when your president asked, “How much for Greenland? The Island? How much for the island?”

I liked Belushi better.

 

 

Thirty-three days until the autumnal solstice when I either fish or cut bait, depending on how many reader.

 

Centuries upon Centuries

I’ve spoken. I’ve written. I’ve done what you would call “performance art.” All this has taken centuries.

Let me put that in perspective. Your father’s birth to your death might be around a century. Now multiply that by 20 or 30. Got it? Good.

I resorted to walking around in daylight carrying a lighted lamp claiming to be looking for an honest man. THAT is how desperate I was and am for exposing the truth. However, sooner or later, when one is not successful, it is wise to give up and seek another course.

I’ve been writing here (wherever here is) for over a year. Being dead, I do not have Twitter, Facebook, or whatever, nor do I want them. I have always fallen victim to the belief that people would seek the truth; if I were a video game, that might be true.

Bottom Line: If you want me to keep writing, do what you can to get others to follow this blog. If there aren’t sufficient people interested in what I have to say by the Autumn Equinox, I will cease writing and take my efforts elsewhere.

If few respond, then I must believe that people prefer the sensational and inconsequential to the truth.

The ball–as you say–is in your court. I’ll be napping in my sewer (look it up if you don’t believe me).

Left Out

170525-trump-nato-rips-index

I’m feeling left out—maybe you should feel left out, too.

Many people are being tweeted about, given nicknames, mentioned by name at press conferences.

“Rocket Man”

“Sleepy Joe”

“Pocahontas”

“Nervous Nancy”

He never gave me a nickname but just ignored me.

How about you? If you have been ignored, then you’re a nobody too. Just admit it and accept your fate in life.

Few deserve his attention, and neither you nor I made the cut.

I guess he doesn’t like that my hands are very large.

 

Conspiracy Proof!

“Our Army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over airports, it did everything it had to do and at Ft. McHenry under the rocket’s red glare had nothing but victory.”                             President Donald Trump

air2

The president let slip a closely held secret as to how a ragtag collection of farmers and merchants defeat the British Army–the best trained and best equipped army in the world in 1775.

It was not guerilla warfare. It was not Baron von Steuben’s training. It was not Marquis de Lafayette’s support. It was certainly not the American soldiers or their generals.

Sorry, but it’s true.

The reason the nascent United States of America prevailed is because of a top secret weapon–the flying machine. As the British would march in smart formation, the American aircraft could pass overhead, dropping rocks or explosives, scattering the British troops, and allowing the Continental Army to sweep toward the confused and scattered British with devastating results.

Now that we have the truth on the Revolutionary War out in the open, maybe he’ll slip up and tell the truth about extraterrestrials being held in Area 51. Given his feelings for undocumented aliens, it’s only a matter of time.

Mueller Report

Being several thousand years old (I forget my exact birthday) I can sometimes have difficulty telling the difference between true reporting and satire. Therefore, without deciding which this is, I share it with you.

New Attorney General William Barr is at risk of losing three stars and being demoted to Attorney Brigadier General after a flurry of lawsuits have been filed in response to his handling of the Mueller Report. While there were protests over Barr’s four page synopsis to a document that is reported to contain over 400 pages, no one foresaw recent developments.

Readers’ Digest filed suit against Barr for copying, without permission, their popular Condensed Books style that was first published in the early 1950s. Many people used Readers’ Digest Condensed Books to experience popular literature without the need to spend inordinate amounts of time actually reading. No sooner had the Justice Department been served with a cease and desist order (and President Trump had tweeted, “Totally exonerated! No confefe! WHICH HAUNT!”) than the second of three shoes dropped.

Cliff’s Notes, a popular study guide, that has been published in the United States since the late 1950s argued that the truncation and radical editing performed by Barr was more like their system than Readers’ Digest’s. “Every student,” they protested at a frantically scheduled press conference, “knows that they can turn to Cliff’s Notes as a concise, terse, minimalist synopsis of traditionally assigned readings.” When asked if Donald Trump ever used their product, the press conference was abruptly halted.

An industry insider anonymously provided additional information . “With Readers’ Digest Condensed Books, it is still necessary for the customer to read dozens—if not hundreds–of actual printed pages. Cliff’s Notes, on the other hand presents lengthy classics in a format that can be read–cover to  during a single visit to the bathroom!”

In the meantime, the same industry source tells us that Classics Illustrated is in negotiations with the US Government Printing Office to reproduce the Barr version of the Mueller Report in four-color comic book format. Classics Illustrated hasn’t published in years, but is prepared to print this special edition because it appeals to those who prefer to never read real books.

Neither Cliff’s Notes nor Classics Illustrated would provide specifics as to the length of their proposed publications, except to say that they would be “more than four pages, but less than 400.”

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